Hurt, Anger, Hatred, and deception....

This posts title seems a little odd, but all of those things I have been feeling lately toward someone. Let me tell you the story.

About 3 years ago I started posting on a message board it was called Organized home and they had a board called daily sweeps or something like that, I can’t remember the exact name. Organized home is still around but not the message board. It was moved to another site by a few of the posters. I met a very nice lady that seemed to be so much like me in some ways, the things we liked and our love of crafting, our families, and we were both Christian so first we started “talking” through our messages on the board. Then we gave each other our e-mail addresses. After “talking” for a while that way we exchanged phone numbers and addresses. Over the years we talked almost daily on the phone, she would always call me on her drive to pick her daughter up from school, it was only maybe 10-15 min. but it was nice. We each talked about the good things and not so good things going on in our lives. We even sometimes talked about people on the board some good and some not so good things ( I have already apologized to those people). We were what I thought was very good friends. Everything was going fine (at least I thought so) I sent her birthday gifts, once even sending her a nice vase with flowers in it. I did that not because I expected something in return but because I knew how hard she worked at being a good mother and wife and her family sometimes didn’t appreciate her for it. The first Christmas I sent her little snowman ornaments for their tree one for every member of the family with their names on them. I also sent a $40 gift card for them to go out to eat at Olive Garden (One of their favorites). In the summer of 2007 Roger and I were going to go to Northern Missouri to check on some land and just for vacation. She lives in Southern Illinois and we decided that we would also go there just so I could meet her face to face. What excitement, I was so happy. I still remember when she picked me up at our hotel she gave me a great big hug! She showed me her town, where she lived (but I guess I was not welcome to go in, this was always strange to me) and we just sat in the hotel parking lot talking and talking. That year when my birthday came around she did send me some things that she had made me, I was grateful for them. It meant a lot to me that someone would make something for me. Then Christmas came around again and I once again I sent many things including another $40 gift card for Olive garden. We still talked all the time and sent e-mails, her birthday in June came up and I sent her lots of things, some books, lots of Bath and body works things in the brown sugar and fig fragrance (her favorite) and I made her some placemats for her table. Then July came and there was some talk going around the board about things being too Christian for some and them not feeling comfortable. I thought about it for a while and prayed about it and decided it was not a place I should be. I wrote a short post to say I was leaving. I called this lady in July probably 2 or 3 times and was either told she wasn’t home or no one answered. I couldn’t figure out what was going on. I e-mailed her many times with no response. I finally got one response with a very curt one line of something like I didn’t like the way you went about it and so I am just ignoring it. She didn’t even have the decency to call and say what the problem was. So I kept e-mailing asking her to just call me, give me 5 minutes of your time, no response! I e-mailed anyone I could think of to see if they knew what was going on and they say they didn’t. I just didn’t understand this, we had a friendship for over 2 years and she decides to end it but doesn’t tell me that she ended it and also doesn’t give me a reason for ending it. I wanted to know what horrible thing I did to her to make her do this to me…..is that too much to ask??? One of the ladies on the board Private messaged me and said she was just a “coward” for not talking to me. So this hurt me very deeply and she didn’t even care I think that’s what hurt the most she treated me like I was nothing to her and she just went on living her life. I go back to that board now and then just to see what people are up to and she has put a signature line on her posts that says “Treat others should someone say something bad about you they won’t believe it” isn’t that just funny.

So back to the title of this post….I was so hurt by her that I let it turn into anger, and hatred toward her. I think about this every day, just because she never would tell me WHY??? What did I do??? She has put me through HELL and she doesn’t even care. Well Friday night I was reading my Bible and came across a passage in the Bible in Matthew~ The Sermon on the Mount~

I was reading the part about Anger and it just hit me that this is how I was feeling toward this person and how wrong it was. No matter what a person does to me I need to forgive and let it go, pray for that person and also ask that person for forgiveness. Saturday came and I really felt the need to talk to her and tell her about what had happened, so I called and of course she was conveniently gone again??

I don’t want to go through the rest of my life with this anger and hatred for her, but it is so hard to forget what she has done to me. I have forgiven but I have not yet forgotten.

Why am I putting this on my blog, to warn people about making friends online, I am just too trusting and I let someone basically use me, she got all kinds of things from me and when she was done tossed me to the side and didn’t even tell me. She is the type of person who online sounds wonderful, but does things very unchristian like , now things make a little more sense, she didn’t want me to visit her house maybe that wasn’t really where she lived?? She says she has made all kinds of craft things but can’t post a picture because she doesn’t know how?? She couldn’t visit my blog because her internet is to slow, but is now visiting blogs all the time to get craft ideas…Things just aren’t adding up and now sound very suspicious…

There are a few people that I have met here on blogger that I would love to get to know better but I am doing it much slower.

Have a very peaceful Sunday (what’s left of it) I plan on using my time spent with my beloved and working on some embroidery..

Blessings,Joann