Tuesday, July 6, 2010

The story of two children..

I want to tell the story of two children child A is now 22 years old and child B is 20. They both had very different upbringings. Child A was a bratty little kid and always got what he wanted by throwing tantrums and by calling his parents horrible names. Child B was also bratty at times but was raised by a single mom most of his life and she thought the bond between them was wonderful. He was very quiet at home but sometimes did have tantrums too. When child A was in his teen years, he had his own cell phone (paid for by his parents) and was allowed computer access. child B was not allowed a cell phone (parent did not see a need for one).Child B also had no computer access at home. Child A basically did what he wanted and parents just let him do whatever he wanted including driving him to many places just to ride his bike, some were over an hour away. I remember a couple of holiday get togethers where child A cussed his parents out calling them every name in the book and on that same day they were at his beck and call to take him places. Child B was taught to respect his parents and was not expected to talk back. Now come to where they are now. Child A and B are both in the Army, Child A when he comes home on leave wants his parents to pick him up at the airport and spend time with them. Child B gives orders to his Mom to not be at the airport or he won't come by and see her at all. Child A does well with his money and has enough to pay for his plane ticket home. Child B spends all of his money and more I don't know what on but he is always broke! Child B is supposed to come home at the end of July for a couple of weeks but he can't because he has no money for a ticket! He calls his mom because he knows how to make her feel guilty and explains that once again it is someone else's fault he has no money so he won't be coming home. He doesn't actually ask his mom to buy him a ticket but he knows her and she would do anything to see him, even though he had already called a few weeks back and let her know that he won't have much time to visit with her as he has too many friends he needs to visit. I am sure you have guessed by now that I am talking about my son Matthew and my Nephew. Child B is Matthew, even though I feel that I raised him well I guess I was a horrible mom and did not do a very good job at raising him. I look back at all the mistakes I made and I wish I could go back and do everything over again. I tried to raise him to be responsible and a man of God. But right now he is so far from that it just breaks my heart. I now question everything I did as a Mom and why did things turn out this way. My sister raised her son totally different from me and now it looks like I was the stupid one!! She let her son walk all over her and her husband and never made him work for anything and yet he grew up way more responsible than my son did. I am acutally embbarressed by the things he does sometimes. Like right now I am trying to decide what to do, we really don't have any extra money to send him a ticket home but that means I won't get to see him. On one hand I really want to get him a ticket so I can see him and then on the other hand it just makes me so mad that even if I do get him a ticket I may only see him for an hour or two. I have a big decision to make and it is not easy. If I don't buy the ticket I know he will be mad, but he only wants to come home to see his friends not me. I know one thing for sure and that is that if I don't buy his ticket and I don't see him and he does end up deploying I will never forgive myself for not seeing him before he leaves. I am having a hard time right now forgiving myself for the type of parent I was. I have so much guilt about the way I raised my children it is all I think about somedays.

Sorry for this long post but I just needed to vent for a while.


  1. Joann, I'm so sorry he's being like that. You just never know how someone will turn out. It may be this was the type of man he'd be at this stage in his life no matter what. Don't blame yourself. I would say don't buy the ticket, but I'm just as bad with my oldest daughter who we end up doing everything for even when we should stand our ground and teach a lesson. Never works that way. So, no real advice here, just don't beat yourself up about it. *hugs*

  2. ((Joann)) I am so sorry! I will be praying for your family. I pray that your son will see how much this is hurting you and will stop putting you through this.

  3. Hi, Joann. I'm sorry to hear about your son. This must be so hard! I have only little ones now...7 and 2, and haven't had to deal with anything quite that hard yet. I do know that I put my own single mom through quite a lot during my late teens and early 20's. The good thing is that I have realized some of the saintly things she did as I got older; how hard she worked, and how right she was much of the time! I think most kids have to go through a rebellion stage (not looking forward to it, myself!), and they go through it at different ages and to different degrees. All this to say, there is still hope. Remember Proverbs 22:6 - "Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it." I've recently realized that this verse does not say "he will NEVER depart from it!" It is likely that he will come around as he gets older. Just stay on your knees! -Blessings, Robin

  4. Joann, I can't believe that you are kicking yourself for the way that you raised Matthew. There comes a time in every person's life when they must take responsibility for their own actions. Matthew is now an adult. Who knows why some people change and become selfish or whatever the case may be?
    While I was reading your post, I couldn't help but think of God as the parent and us as the child. How many times does God give us what we want or think we need and we turn our back on Him? You have to have faith that Matthew will hear God knocking and will turn his life over to Him. Your questioning how you raised Matthew is like when we ask for forgiveness, God throws the sin away, and we keep looking back at the sin. It's over & done with.
    Here is my suggestion to help you with seeing Matthew. Instead of flying him home, why don't you fly there for a long weekend? Either way it's going to cost you money, but this way you'll be able to see him, instead of him taking off to see his friends. Something to think about.

    Take care,
    Sandi E.

  5. Hugs to you, Joann. I'm sorry about things with Matthew. I know he's just flexing his "adulthood" as my own 18 year old is attempting to do, and sure, it hurts. I hope that he realizes how much this hurts you and comes around. Prayers for you.


Thank you so much for visiting my blog and leaving a comment, I truly thank you for your visit. Blessings,Joann